1.25.2003

Bring on the numerology!

Cole Knabenshue

7 Your Heart Number is 7
Makes you a bit of a loner. You probably require a lot of time by yourself just to clear your head and recharge your batteries. You may be somewhat more concerned with the deeper issues of life.
While i'm concerned with the deeper issues of life, I can't stand being alone. When I'm alone, i think, and i can't stand my own thoughts.

2 Your Personality Number is 2
Which makes you fairly kind and compassionate, and a natural diplomat. You're liable to have a very reassuring way about you that makes others feel that you really care about what's best for them.
I don't see how this can be true, but i don't see how others see me, so I can't judge

9 Your Image Number is 9
Might make you appear to be a bit of an idealist. Generous, kind and compassionate, your concern is primarily for others, not yourself. And this can cause you to be a bit self-sacrificing at times.
I used to be like that, now i'm just a self-serving prick who doesn't care about anyone's feelings or whos heart i step on.

I guess the moral of the story is, Numerology is bullshit.
posted at 20:21

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Occasionally, I wonder if anyone ever reads this. Michelle does, because it's the only way she can find out what i'm feeling. If that's not pathetic i don't know what is. Kris used to come, but I'm positive she doesn't any longer. I can't lock my entries, so i couldn't stop her if I wanted to. Beyond that, I can only think of a few other people that i passively want to know what I'm feeling on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps now that I have nobody left to protect, I'll start to put these abstract feelings of anger/pain/hatred and everything else that runs through my head daily into words. Perhaps getting them out will actually help to make me feel better. Perhaps not as "better" as a half a bottle of valium, but at least from a therapeutic standpoint, it'd be healthier for me.

Maybe I'll give it a try.
posted at 20:11

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My head and body have been on a rollercoaster these last few days. Between stretching a nickel into a dime, fighting off-and-on with Michelle, catching a small earful about whos love i deserve and don't deserve, and cleaning my roommates up before they kill themselves, it's been busy lately. On top of all that, the window in my car won't roll all the way up, so i can't drive it unless i want to freeze my ass off. (which i don't) I have to get that fixed.

On a funny sidenote today, CJ's boss told him, after he was late for work, that he was too drunk to waiter and told him to come back at 5:30. He only works 2 days a week, you wouldn't think it'd be that hard to be sober when he goes to work. Perhaps he'll get fired, and I will laugh.

Only 105 more days until it's time to get away from these children. But then what? Nobody knows that lies in store, do they? All i know is that Michelle is all i have left.

Oh, well, I've been through worse than this before, i think. Perhaps I'm the one who needs to be stronger.
posted at 20:00

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Well, I got my obligatory Maya bashing today. She wasn't as hurtful as i thought she would be, but it was still just about everything i had expected out of her. I kinda wish i hadn't been so quick to say "nope" when she asked if I had anything to say, because there were a few things i would've liked to ask her, in retrospect. Oh, well. She got it off her chest. She'll forget about me soon enough and it'll be like i never existed.
posted at 14:22

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Gotta love massive Kame house partying. It was Jake's birthday last night, so everyone went out and got insanely drunk. Now there's dead bodies all over the living room. Joe's passed out on the couch (if i had known that would happen, i would've had sex with my girlfriend last night o.O), Jake's passed out in the chair (like always), and CJ is passed out curled up into a ball in front of my door. I'm thinking they had a lot of fun. I'm thinking that they won't be having fun when they wake up today.
posted at 08:12

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1.21.2003

Well, it's all done. For better or for worse, it's finished.

Michelle will be happy, that much is for sure. Especially if it doesn't pain me, then she'll have no reason not to be happy for this recent chain of events.

How i feel about it remains to be seen. I'm sure i'll just put it down where all the rest of the bad feelings go, and worry about it later. Or maybe i'll never worry about it at all. This time it's not my fault, not at all...not like before.

Goodbye, Kristina Kara, and good luck.
posted at 23:11

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1.20.2003

Do you think it'd be possible to move the entire house to a third-world country where you're allowed to kill people because they suck ass? If it is, i would like a ticket for 4, please.
posted at 16:34

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1.19.2003

Well, that was an interesting couple days. Andy moved out yesterday morning. Michelle and i went to Waukesha to visit Qua. She took me out for a belated birthday celebration, and when i woke up this morning to go get my car from mom in Appleton, I was just a wee bit hungover. We had a lot of fun, and seeing Qua was nice. Sleeping on the couch by the grandfather clock, however, wasn't. I didn't enjoy that very much.
posted at 03:44

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