11.30.2006
In short, everything is perfect. Naturally not everything in life is ever perfect, but I'm a lot closer than I've ever been. I've got a life that's arranged precisely the way I've always wanted it.
I'm in love with an amazing woman who loves me as much as I love her. A woman with whom I can connect in a way that I never realized was possible. Michelle and I had a great thing, and I don't know if even she realizes how much I loved her, but what I have now is so much better in so many different ways. I've said on a couple occasions since I moved, and it's still true, that finding a mate isn't about finding someone who is perfect, or about trying to attain perfection yourself. Finding the perfect person for you simply means finding the person with whom all of your flaws line up. Someone to whom you can relate in every aspect, good and bad. I've found that person who on more occasions than I can count, has had the exact same random thought at the exact same time. Not through practice or repetition, but sheer connection. I love it.
I work a zero-glamor manual labor job that I enjoy more than anything I've ever done. I get to be on the oceanside at least once a day, get exercise and fresh air, and do a simple task for which I'm paid a reasonable wage. No corporate bullshit, no managerial mouthpiece chewing on my ear for not following some mandate laid down by people thousands of miles away. Simply me, doing work, getting paid. If I do my job, everyone's happy. That's something I haven't had since I stopped working with my father.
As if these two bits of happiness weren't enough, this is what I get to see every time I look up from the computer. That's the ocean folks. A body of water to which I've dreamt of moving for a tremendously long time. If, for some reason, that view isn't satisfying at some point, I can take a less than five minute trip here, and in the summer I can go here and spend as much time as I want simply staring at the waves, eating lobster and relaxing with the ocean right at my doorstep.
I don't know if being unhappy for a very long time causes ones happiness quotient to go down or up. Perhaps swallowing shit and enjoying it for a long time makes the good things seem all the sweeter. On the other hand, perhaps it causes such a negative level of enjoyment that you need even more to become happy. Regardless of which is true, I do know that I'm tremendously happy right now. I only had to give up the best thing I had ever known, all of my friends (that's an entirely different rant altogether), some of my stuff, and risk everything that was making me remotely happy to take a leap of faith to the east coast. When I'm sleeping next to Kristina, or stacking hogs with the person who I can easily now call my best friend, the alienation doesn't sting anymore. I get homesick, and I miss some people who were my friends until I left, but the good far outweighs the bad now.
So, adieu to all of my center friends and all of my Janesville friends. After five months of grieving for lost friendships, I realized I have Kristina, Maine, new friends and a job I love, and I'm not going to lose anymore happiness on your accounts.
fin.
posted at 22:09
(2) comments
Lies were told instead.